My Mother’s Hands

by Suzie Eller | | 2 comments

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She held out the soft white blanket scalloped in pink ribbon. “I’m not sure I want to give it to her,” my mom said. The stitches were a bit looser than my mother’s past handiwork. When I studied her hands, I saw the beginnings of arthritis. I could also see love in every crocheted inch of the blanket she held out.

That was nearly 13 years ago. That first great-grandchild is almost a teenager. Several other great-grandchildren have come along since. When I hold my mother’s hands in my own today, her fingers are bent and swollen at the joints. The arthritis that was just creeping in way back then has taken over many of her joints. She continues

The Beauty of Your Assignment

by Suzie Eller | | 3 comments

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I was reading stories about several women making a difference in the world. One was raising funds to dig wells in villages desperate for clean water. Another started a compassionate work program for women rescued from the slave trade. Yet another launched a nonprofit to come alongside refugees to help them get established in their new communities.

I loved these stories. They were inspiring! Yet even as I privately cheered them on, it caused me to look at my own life. 

God, is there something BIG that I’m supposed to be doing?

In Matthew 25, Jesus tells the story of a master who gave his servants differing amounts of money and asked them to invest it while he was gone. One

Welcome Home

by Suzie Eller | | 3 comments

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He sat in his favorite overstuffed chair. Pictures of his children and grandchildren hung on the wall. His wife of nearly 60 years sat not far away.

“It’s time to go home,” he declared. 

My father-in-law had struggled with dementia for a long time. This once strong, funny patriarch couldn’t remember those he had loved. He didn’t know where home was anymore, even as he sat in the house he built and had lived in for decades. Toward the end, this became a regular battle. Finally, his sons came up with a plan. When he announced he wanted to go home, one of them would grab their coat. 

“Let’s go,” they’d say. 

My father-in-law would pile in the passenger seat of his

Something New to Wear

by Suzie Eller | | 5 comments

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I was flying out of town for a week. A few minutes before leaving for the airport, I glanced at my airline ticket and saw a code I didn’t recognize. I did a quick check. To my dismay, I discovered the code meant I couldn’t bring any type of luggage with me. In fact, I was limited to a small backpack that could fit under the seat. 

What could I do? 

I started improvising. I tucked the essentials in my small backpack (my computer, makeup, an extra pair of shoes, and clean underwear). Then I put on two pairs of pants. A camisole. Two shirts. A sweater and a jacket. Two pairs of socks. A pair of boots. 

An hour later when I

How Can I Let Go?

by Suzie Eller | | 7 comments

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She was three. She arched her arm and pointed her fingers at me.

“You’re frozen, Gaga!”

I stopped in place, one arm behind me, the other in the air. She giggled, then quickly unfroze me.

There was a time if you were in the vicinity of anyone under the age of six, you were familiar with the movie, Frozen. It’s the story of two sisters struggling in their relationship with each other and in finding acceptance. At one point Elsa, the older sister sang these words:

Let it go, let it go

And I’ll rise like the break of dawn

Those words are similar to those I sensed God whispering years ago.

Suzie, let go of the past that you cannot undo. 

Let me rise

Be Gentle with Yourself

by Suzie Eller | | 1 comment

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It was a big holiday. A little one had spent a lot of time in the car, traveling from one event to the next. His sleep schedule was thrown off. He was overstimulated. He had held it together until he couldn’t anymore. I remember thinking that this little guy just needed some quiet, his routine, and a nap. I wanted to scoop him up and let him know that it was going to be okay, and that he had done a really good job for a long time.

Later that same night I found myself cranky. We had driven two hours that day and would drive two hours home that night. All day I was surrounded by laughter and

You are Worth It

by Suzie Eller | | 4 comments

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As I recovered from surgery, I was ordered to be still. That meant sitting in a recliner for a month. No heavy lifting. No driving. Though I have a “Mary” heart, I evidently possess a “Martha” brain. I struggled with this. I wanted to fill that time with something productive. 

Maybe I needed to seek God in my down time and have a spiritual epiphany.

Maybe I should read deep and profound books, so I could grow and learn. 

Maybe I could fold laundry, if nothing else.

In my struggle, I discounted an important truth: Healing is hard work.

I wasn’t idle. Not at all. My body was recovering from major surgery. My bones and sinew needed stillness to reconnect, restore, and thrive. My heart and spirit

He’s Faithful

by Suzie Eller | | 2 comments

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God whispered that call to growth over your heart and you were ready, right then. Growth in your faith. Growth in your understanding. Growth in confidence. Growth in a relationship.

Then that thing happened.

A pandemic.

An illness.

An unexpected loss.

A struggle.

So, you asked, “Lord, did I really hear you? How can I grow when things are so hard?”

In today’s verse, Paul is speaking to a church who longs to give everything to Jesus. They are growing, but it feels challenging. They are in a culture that doesn’t appreciate their faith. They are trying to “unlearn” what they’ve always believed to be true. They are in the heart of persecution. Yet Paul assures them that God is faithful. God would be the instrument

A Prayer Retreat

by Suzie Eller | | 11 comments

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I had been in a busy season of ministry and family. I was running perilously close to empty, but I just kept going. One day my husband gently approached me.

“Suzie, you need to fill back up.”

If those who love you the most are noticing, then it’s time to take a pause.

I found a small, affordable rustic cabin not far from home. I put aside technology, ministry, and the things I normally do, and for a weekend, I was alone with God.

When I arrived home, I was renewed.

Jesus depended on prayer often.

“But Jesus often withdrew to the wilderness for prayer” (Luke 5:16 NLT).

By His example, I know that I need this too. While going away to a cabin is

Slowing It Down

by Suzie Eller | | 1 comment

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My study that morning was in one of the smaller books of the Bible tucked in the pages of the Old Testament. I had only read a couple of verses when one caught my eye. It seemed to leap from the page into my heart. Though I was certain I had read this story before, it felt new. I felt a tug to stop and dig deeper, so I did. That verse and the story it unfolded ministered to me for days.

I wonder if that’s how Nicodemus felt the night he met Jesus under the cover of darkness.

“Now there was a Pharisee, a man named Nicodemus who was a member of the Jewish ruling council. He came to Jesus at

My Letter to God

by Suzie Eller | | 4 comments

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The letter from my dad was on my pillow. He was not a man of words. I held it in my hands, knowing it was rare and precious. I still have the tattered pieces of that letter today.

I also have other letters that I treasure, and they are just as tattered.

Years ago, when I was learning about God, I longed to go deeper in my faith. I found a black notebook and colorful markers, and each morning I would sit and write all the things I wanted to say to God. If it was just a few moments, that was okay. If it led to a longer time, that was good too. I hoped to meet with Him as

Help Me, God

by Suzie Eller | | 25 comments

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I was 32, a young mama, and battling breast cancer. The news had come at an already-hard time. My husband worked long hours each week, trying to keep our business afloat. When he paid the business expenses each month, there was just a small amount left to pay ourselves. The pressure often made me feel like I was near to drowning, but we told no one about our financial battle.

Christmas was weeks away. Our children had school expenses. I was going through radiation and chemotherapy, and medical bills were piling up. One day as I walked to the mailbox, I dreaded what I knew would be inside. Bills, bills, and more bills.

But this day was different. Tucked among

Never Alone

by Suzie Eller | | 18 comments

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When I was growing up my favorite movie was the classic Wizard of Oz. I lay on the carpet, completely absorbed as Dorothy battled flying monkeys and fled from the wicked witch of the West. I wondered if she’d make it to Oz or ever find her way home to Auntie Em. It seemed unfair. A girl and a tiny dog all on their own, until she met her unlikely heroes. A tin man, a cowardly lion, and my personal favorite, the scarecrow. Nothing changed, not really. A wicked witch still wished her harm. Flying monkeys still followed her every move. But suddenly, she was surrounded by those who traveled the road with her, and that made all

How to Know if You Should Pray for Someone on the Spot

by Suzie Eller | | 11 comments

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The room was hot. A fan pushed the sweltering 110+ degree air between us as we sat on the floor. When the reading lesson was complete, we were introduced. Shy smiles broke language and cultural barriers. A handful were Christians. Others practiced different religions. I asked several women to share their names. As one young woman spoke, she pointed at her mother, who stood in the back, and tears fell. The interpreter told me that her mother was seriously sick. She couldn’t afford a doctor, and she fell more ill each day.

I wanted to pray for her. If we were in a church, I wouldn’t have hesitated, but we were guests in this community, in this culture, and

A Way Out

by Suzie Eller | | 16 comments

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It started innocently enough. A friend said something. I disagreed. For whatever reason, her words hit a tender spot. It was important that we talk about it because she mattered to me, yet I was hit with a myriad of temptations.

I was tempted to make her see it my way.

I was tempted to keep talking until she “got it.”

I was tempted to let my frustration simmer between us.

Don’t do it.

A gentle nudge in my spirit asked me to consider a different way.

Can we be honest that we are all tempted from time to time? In today’s passage, Paul reminds us of that fact.

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful;

When You Don’t Know What to Say

by Suzie Eller | | 13 comments

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We were sitting around the family table when my mom announced, “Suzie, you didn’t talk until you were four.”

Um, what?

This was news to me. “So, are you saying that I was quiet?”

“Nope, you didn’t talk at all. Not a word. In fact, if it hadn’t been for your sister, we would have never known what you needed.”

My sister is four years older than me. Evidently, she became a student of her little sister who had no words. When I wanted a drink, she told mom. When I was tired or hungry, she made certain that this was communicated.

I eventually found my words, but may I be honest with you?

There have been other times when I’ve lost my words.

Faithful

by Suzie Eller | | 28 comments

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Many had left the morning church service, but I remained on the pew. Tears fell as I talked to God.

Father, what is my calling?

It felt like others had this figured out. I wanted to know what God wanted me to do, and yet I had no idea what that looked like. That’s when I noticed a boot swinging down the row from me.

A young teen and his little sister sat quietly. He had long, dark blonde hair that hung over his eyes. She chewed her gum with gusto. I got to know them a few months earlier when they asked for a ride home after church. That soon became a regular occurrence. I’d stop at a drive through

When I’m Afraid

by Suzie Eller | | 20 comments

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Audrey pulled the cover over her eyes.

“Check for bears,” she begged.

I checked one more time. I held up a dust bunny and we laughed because that certainly wasn’t a bear. Yet her fears remained. Finally, I climbed in the bed with her until she fell asleep, her tiny form pressed against mine.

Have you ever struggled with fear? We all have. In John 20, a group of disciples are gripped with anxious thoughts. They had witnessed Jesus’ arrest and death on the cross. They had heard the rumors that authorities were searching for followers of Jesus. So, they hid.

When a group of women rushed through the door to tell them the tomb was empty, they left their hiding place

The Master’s Touch

by Suzie Eller | | 13 comments

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I met an old friend from school days that I hadn’t seen for years. She invited me to join her and her husband for dinner. For the next hour, we sat around the table enjoying enchiladas and old memories.

At one point, she told her husband a story from our days in school. As she described the incident, it felt odd. The girl she described in the story was shy. She was hurting. She was angry. It felt like she was talking about someone else.

And she was.

God had healed my heart long ago. I was no longer that shy, angry, hurting girl. I was a confident, whole woman who knew the love of a Savior. When she finished her

He Knows You

by Suzie Eller | | 9 comments

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When I was a teenager, it was often my job to watch my younger brothers. At that time, our home life was challenging and hard. When nightfall came, two little guys would tiptoe into my room and snuggle in for a story.

“Say a word,” I’d whisper.

“Dragon!” one little brother would say.

“Forest,” said the other.

I’d weave a story about a fierce dragon caught in a forest, two little guys hanging on every word. Before long, they’d calm down, go back to their own room, and fall asleep. I didn’t know it back then, but storytelling was a gift God placed in my DNA. It wasn’t just a knack for telling stories, but something He would use for His purposes.

In

Help Me See

by Suzie Eller | | 5 comments

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I rested on the concrete driveway with two sweet boys, staring into the inky night sky. As we talked, I asked them to look up and describe what they could see.

“I see the dark,” one replied.

“A star,” said another, pointing to a lone star at a distance.

I pulled out my phone and opened an app. As I pointed my phone at the night sky, constellations appeared on the screen. The boys excitedly took turns holding my phone this way and that, calling out the names of the constellations and planets. When I shut the app and put my phone in my pocket, one slid his hand in mine and looked into the dark sky.

“Whoa, Gaga, to think that

A Leap of Faith

by Suzie Eller | | 9 comments

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A few women walk through my door. They bring with them stories of past addiction, abuse, childhood dysfunction, and second and third chances. They also bring friendship. Laughter. Honesty. A heart for more.

As we sit around the kitchen table, we share five things that describe us. Not five things from the past, or five things we see in the mirror. But five things that describe who we are as changed, Jesus-filled, women of faith.

When it is my turn, I share three of my five things: I am kind. I am loved by God. I am an adventurer. . . As I list number three, I also casually mention that one day I’d love to jump out of an

Tell God How You Feel

by Suzie Eller | | 9 comments

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Have you ever been in a season where you walk through one hard thing after another?

Me too.

Have you ever struggled to talk with God about how you feel in that season?

Same.

One of the reasons we may struggle with talking with our Heavenly Father is we’ve been told that strong faith leaves little room for doubts and questions. The problem with that reasoning is it discounts story after story of people in the Bible crying out to God, asking hard questions, and grappling with how to trust in hard seasons.

Consider John the Baptist, who was in prison and sent a message to Jesus to ask if He was really the Messiah (Matthews 11:2-4). Let’s look at Elijah the prophet,

Just Show Up

by Suzie Eller | | 5 comments

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The first few times I sensed God asking me to do something out of my comfort zone, I wrestled.

I had some confidence, sort of.

Enough to get by, maybe.

Okay, not even close.

I weighed what I could do, what I did have, and what I might bring to the table. Those attributes were then outweighed as I listed what I didn’t know, what I didn’t have, and what someone else might do better.

In the book of Judges, Gideon seems to be doing the same.

His people have been under siege by the Midianites for a very long time. He’s hanging out under a tree when an angel of the Lord approaches him. The angel informs Gideon that he indeed is a

A New Family Tree

by Suzie Eller | | 9 comments

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When I was a little girl, I loved nothing more than climbing the branches of a backyard tree. There I slipped into a world of imagination as I read books, my legs locked around a strong branch. It was my safe place.

When I grew up, I discovered the power of another tree – my family tree.

The truth was the branches of my family tree were gnarled. The hurts of generations were visible in the rings. I didn’t know how to make my family tree any different, but I did know that God cared about it just as much as I did. I talked to Him about it often. I told Him that I wanted to grow a new

Make My List Smaller

by Suzie Eller | | 5 comments

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My friend and I were sitting in a coffee shop. She was struggling that morning with a heavy burden; one she had carried for a long time. She shared that she was so angry that it overwhelmed her at times.

“Can you name a person you are angry with?” I asked.

“Just one?” she said.

“Okay, more than one,” I responded. “Can you list the people you struggle to forgive?”

She named 10 quickly, bending down a finger for each one. When I asked my sweet friend how we could pray about this together, she whispered, “Suzie, I want God to help me make this list smaller.”

What a brave prayer!

Maybe you identify with my friend. You have a list. Maybe it’s not

Red Light, Green Light

by Suzie Eller | | 19 comments

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Walking with our littles was often complicated. Bicycles raced down one side of the trail. Families, dogs, and children were in the other. Children rode scooters or skateboards. Runners raced by.

Trying to keep them safe didn’t always work until we started playing a fun game.

Red light. Yellow light. Green light.

If they raced ahead or arrived at a curve or close to a busy street, I’d call out, “red light.”

Regardless of how fast they were going, they’d stop. Yellow light meant slow down. Green light meant go, go, go! Making this a game made it fun, but it also made it safer for them.

When life is overwhelming, we may not know what to do.

We are tempted to run in

In Him You Live

by Suzie Eller | | 21 comments

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I don’t usually struggle with anxious thoughts, but there it was. Concerned thoughts bubbled just under the surface. Questions pelted like gravel under the body of an old truck.

Am I doing enough?

Am I doing this right?

Thoughts like this can hit any of us at any time. They surface in a marriage or a close relationship. They creep into a job or a ministry position or the moment we take a big step of faith.

There’s a natural rhythm to anxious thoughts. They logically want to take us toward angst.

Luke describes a different rhythm in Acts 17:28.

“For in him we live and move and have our being.”

To move in Him is to move with Him.

This beautiful imagery of rhythm

He Weeps for You

by Suzie Eller | | 21 comments

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I knew the news was going to be hard, but I didn’t realize how hard until the phone call finally came. For the next several days I bounced between sorrow and disbelief, mingled with gratitude.

I was thankful for the brief time I would have with this person I loved. I was grateful for every moment and every memory. I was also sad. There were days tears came without warning, bathing my face as my hurting heart tried to work through the reality of what was taking place.

Did you know that Jesus grieved too?

In John 11, Martha stumbles toward Jesus. Her brother Lazarus is dead. Sorrow marks Martha’s very being.

“When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had

When You Feel Like Giving Up

by Suzie Eller | | 5 comments

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“I’m done,” I thought, as I stared at the ceiling.

It was the end of a long day. I was in an unfamiliar bed. My feet hurt.

Honestly, none of those things were the issue. The truth was I loved what I got to do in ministry. I was thankful for the woman who opened her home to me. My feet would feel better in the morning, especially if I chose more comfortable shoes.

The problem was that I had come to the end of myself.

In 1 Kings 18, Elijah is called by God to deliver a message to King Ahab. When that message is questioned by the King, Elijah invites him and 450 false prophets of Baal to join him

An Imperfect Christmas

by Suzie Eller | | 12 comments

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As your tree is dragged out of the attic and Amazon boxes arrive on your porch, is it okay if we admit that Christmas is often imperfect?

Maybe like me, you try to be in ten different places at one time, yet no one is happy. A relative tells that story from your childhood that embarrasses you every time. Your child throws a fit as relatives cluck their tongues and shake their head.

Instead of trying to plan the perfect Christmas, what if we made room in our plan for imperfection from the very start?

When Uncle Joe starts talking about politics, we plan to slip into the kitchen for a second helping of pie or to take a walk. When

When It’s Harder Than You Thought

by Suzie Eller | | 5 comments

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I hung on to a vine to climb over one more boulder. My heart was beating hard, and I struggled to catch my breath.

“Are you okay?” my friend asked.

Well, yes and no.

I was visiting my friend, who lived a few states away from me. When we started the hike, I expected it to be challenging but this wasn’t my first tough trail to navigate. What I hadn’t anticipated was the much higher elevation. I rested for a few moments and my heartbeat settled down. After a few moments I started again.

Though the trail was beautiful, it didn’t get any easier. Regardless, I was happy to be still moving forward.

Sometimes our faith can feel the same way. We take

A Spirit-Wrapped Heart

by Suzie Eller | | 38 comments

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One month ago, I had my last surgery after a second bout with breast cancer. It’s been such a weird year, standing outside the hospital a handful of times, saying my goodbyes to my family as I walk in to have surgery alone.

It’s been a hard, hard year; it’s okay to say that.

It’s also been a year of faith and growth. Galatians 5:22-23 has been a part of that.

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! (Galatians 5:22-23 NLT)

In this passage, Paul lists strong and beautiful attributes of a Spirit-led heart. I have wanted to be all

You’re Found!

by Suzie Eller | | 7 comments

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I raced through the mall with an oversized stroller. Two children tucked in tight. One on the loose. My son had been by my side seconds earlier. I turned around and he was gone.

I called out to anyone who would listen. “Have you seen my son? He’s about this high,” I said, holding my hand just so.

Ten minutes later I found him. He had made it to the other side of the mall and was happily sitting on a bench, swinging his little legs. My son hadn’t even known he was lost. My heart rate was at an all-time high. I scooped him up and held him tight.

When Jesus found Zacchaeus in the branches of a tree, He

Crying Over Answered Prayer

by Suzie Eller | | 31 comments

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I pulled out an old prayer journal and there it was. Written in my own handwriting was a prayer request I had prayed for years. I traced the words with my finger and the words blurred as tears threatened.

Just five minutes earlier, I had questioned my husband like a lead investigator.

Are you sure we can do this?

Are we making the right decision?

What about {fill in the blank}?

I peppered him with numerous questions. I wanted to iron out every detail and make certain that this was not just doable, but with no room for error. In the night, when I should have been sleeping, I crunched numbers in my head and went over possibilities.

It was exhausting.

Seeing that prayer