One Question that Will Help You Love Well

by Holley Gerth | | 5 comments

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We’re celebrating love in happy ways this month. We’ll give each other heart-shaped balloons, cards with warm words, and boxes of chocolates. But what about the times when someone we love is in a hard place, not a happy one? What can we give then?

I’ll confess I’ve offered many unhelpful things to people I love through the years, like unwanted advice or spiritual clichés. But I’ve finally learned to ask one question that is actually a gift to someone who’s hurting.

I hear the tears in my friend’s voice. “I’m fine,” she says, “It’s no big deal.” She’s trying to stay strong but I know her well enough to sense her weariness. My first instinct is to try to

God Will Hold You Up

by Holley Gerth | | 3 comments

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When my granddaughter Eula was learning to walk, her steps were wobbly. She was all exuberance and no coordination. At the time, the laundry room was irresistibly enticing (something I knew she would outgrow).

I followed her into it one day and she became fascinated by a pair of rain boots. They were several sizes too big but she slid them onto her feet. She also insisted on wearing her bright pink coat. As she tromped around in her borrowed boots, I walked behind her holding the coat’s hood. When she stumbled, she didn’t hit the ground because I held her up. She carried on, not realizing someone was watching out for her, making sure she didn’t fall.

Walking with

Three Questions that Will Change Your Christmas Season

by Holley Gerth | | 8 comments

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I was standing in a chapel that’s over a hundred years old with a small candle in my hand. The tiny flame cast a soft light toward the bricks and stained-glass windows. A holy hush filled the room between Christmas carols and it felt as if my soul let out a sigh.

It had been a busy week, after all. There were trips to stores for last-minute gifts, delicious things to bake in the oven, dinner with friends where the topic of conversation turned to our plans for the new year. But in the silence and stillness of the Christmas Eve candlelight service, I realized I needed to catch my breath before I got to Christmas morning, before I

God Will Give You the Desires of Your Heart

by Holley Gerth | | 4 comments

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“How do I know what God wants me to do?”

I asked this question recently while having coffee with a friend. In a season when I needed to make several decisions, I felt stuck at a crossroads, unsure of how to move forward. I explained to my friend that I’d been taught to think of God’s will as a tightrope. There was one clear, very specific answer for everything. “That sounds like a lot of pressure,” she said, “and I don’t think that’s how it works.”

I had a nagging sense in my soul that she was right. So, I went looking in Scripture for how we’re to determine God’s will. I discovered very few times when God told people

The Pressure Is Off!

by Holley Gerth | | 5 comments

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In my early twenties, I sat in a counselor’s office as she drew a horizontal line across her paper. Below it, she added arrows reaching toward the line but never quite touching it. She said the horizontal line represented my expectations of myself and the arrows my actual efforts—what I could realistically do as a human.

She explained that much of my anxiety came from the gap between what I expected of myself and reality. Until I stopped putting so much pressure on myself, I would continue to experience anxiety. I wish I could say I walked out of her office and applied her wisdom right away. But it took many more years, as well as a bout of

God Will Calm Your Heart

by Holley Gerth | | 4 comments

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I grew up close to the ocean, and I remember going to the beach with my parents. They taught me the water was to be enjoyed but also respected. The ocean was wild—both beautiful and destructive, life-giving and deadly, a playmate and a potential enemy. The disciples, especially Peter and Andrew as fishermen, likely had a similar attitude toward the Sea of Galilee.

One day Jesus says to His disciples, “Let’s cross to the other side of the lake” (Luke 8:22). It’s not the first time they’ve made this short journey. The Sea of Galilee is small, only thirteen miles from north to south and seven miles from east to west. Jesus settles in for a nap, weary from

God Still Has a Plan for You

by Holley Gerth | | 11 comments

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Sometimes I feel myself growing bitter about an unexpected situation, especially when I don’t know how it’s going to turn out. In those moments, it helps me to remember the story of Naomi, a woman who had a choice between becoming bitter or better…

Memories flash through Naomi’s mind as she walks the streets of her hometown for the first time in many years. Her wedding day, walking to the market with her little boys, one on her hip and the other holding her hand. Her family left this place to escape a famine, but now her husband and sons are gone.

“Is it really Naomi?” a familiar, though long unheard, voice asks (Ruth 1:19). “Don’t call me Naomi,” she

You’re Stronger than You Know

by Holley Gerth | | 9 comments

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I got the text early one morning. “It’s bad,” my Dad said, “Your Mom has 95 percent blockage in two of her arteries.” Within twenty-four hours we would be on a plane and she would be on an operating table.

This is how life unfolds sometimes. We’re microwaving dinner or strolling into a meeting, picking up the kids from school or turning off the light next to the bed and suddenly our whole world tilts on its axis.

My mom made it through surgery okay but what should have been a week-long stay in the hospital turned into an extended journey full of complications. She, a brave woman, fought fluid around her heart and in her lungs, internal bleeding, reactions

Loving the Life You Already Have

by Holley Gerth | | 1 comment

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I recently learned a lesson that involved sharp knives, a little shouting and a lot of heat. Thankfully, all of this happened on a screen. As I watched an episode of Chef’s Table, the featured chef described going far away only to realize what he wanted most had been right in front of him all along. After he comes back home he says something like, “This place has always been the same. It’s just that now I see it differently.”

I kept thinking about those words. It’s so tempting for us to say, “If only I lived somewhere else.” “If only I had a more exciting job.” “If only I were married.” “If only I were single.” “If only

A Different Kind of Graduation

by Holley Gerth | | 3 comments

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The evening sky is like a girl in a prom dress, swirls of purple and pink with thin clouds like lace. My husband Mark and I take our seats alongside family members in an outdoor stadium, the metal bench, unmerciful beneath us. We’ve come to this same spot in years past to watch a series of nieces and nephews graduate. I’ve almost memorized the proceedings.

There will be a welcome speech by a school official. Then the national anthem. The valedictorian giving remarks. Diplomas passed out. Caps tossed in the air as we all cheer, partly in congratulations and also because the long ceremony is over. Graduations are not the most entertaining of events. Yet we still do them,

What Works Better than Worry

by Holley Gerth | | 7 comments

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The phone call comes. Hard news on the other end of the line. I listen and nod. By the time I hang up I feel a weight on my shoulders, like it all depends on me. I begin to worry. This is what I can do, isn’t it? I can carry this around like a dog with an old bone. I can gnaw and twist, bury it and dig it up again. Surely this will be helpful, certainly this will save the day.

But into that place of fear there comes a God-whisper in my heart, “Your worry cannot change the world, only I can.”

Luke 12:25 says, “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your

The Power of Kind Words

by Holley Gerth | | 6 comments

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In the middle of a tough day, I take a deep breath and then share my discouragement with a friend. I resist the urge to end with, “But, really, I’m fine.” I dare to let her see what’s actually going on in my heart.

She replies with words of hope and encouragement. They are Jesus-filled words, so spot-on for what I need to hear that I know they are not just from her but Him, too. I can feel the ache easing and my strength returning. I’m going to be okay. I think of Proverbs 16:24, which says, “Pleasant words are a honeycomb: sweet to the taste and health to the body.”

Suddenly, I’m curious about what this actually means.

You Really Are Loved, No Matter What

by Holley Gerth | | 6 comments

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God brought our daughter, Lovelle, into our lives when she was twenty years old through Saving Grace, a home for girls aging out of the foster system or who would otherwise be homeless. She got married a year or so later but we did have a brief window of time when she lived in our house.

One night Lovelle got in late and I heard a loud crash come from the kitchen. Concerned, I got up to check on her and found my beautiful daughter on her knees, frozen in fear, pieces of ice from the belligerent machine on the front of the refrigerator scattered all around her. Lovelle, after going from place to place, felt sure we were

Let’s Choose to Welcome the New Year with Hope

by Holley Gerth | | 3 comments

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The airport is crowded this morning. As I wait for my flight, I watch the parade of people. Disgruntled teenagers with caps pulled down over their eyes trailing behind determined parents. Bright-eyed couples holding hands with the honeymoon sun still on their faces. A group of grey-headed ladies in pink matching t-shirts laughing and exchanging stories while they sip coffee. I wonder about all of them. Where have they come from? Where are they going?

I realize all over again in that moment God knows the answers. He sees every detail of our lives. He’s been with us in every step we’ve ever taken. And as we welcome a new year, this reassures me because none of us knows

This Is What Peace Really Looks Like

by Holley Gerth | | 6 comments

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I recall a holiday season when Mark and I braved a local shopping area for some last-minute gifts. We braced ourselves for big crowds, long lines, loud songs playing over store speakers, and irritable drivers fighting to get the last parking spot. When we walked through our door an hour later, I took a deep breath and thought, Peace at last.

In our culture, we tend to think of peace as the absence of what troubles us. The blaring music gets turned off. The crowd thins out. The pace of our life slows down. But when Mark and I went to church that night, our wise pastor, Mark Schatzman, talked about what God really means when He says He

You Are Seen and Known

by Holley Gerth | | 6 comments

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I lost a spool of gold satin ribbon. I searched my basket of craft supplies, my closet shelves, the back seat of my car—where I did discover granola bar crumbs, lip gloss, and a church bulletin from six months ago. I’d bought the ribbon to make a sash for a bridesmaid dress I’d worn in the recent wedding of a friend (by make, I mean ask someone else to tie the aforementioned ribbon in a bow). I’d planned to use the leftovers for Christmas packages. But I finally threw my hands up and consigned the spool to the unknown space where missing socks must also go when they disappear from the dryer.

Months later I pulled open a drawer

You Can Take the Time You Need

by Holley Gerth | | 4 comments

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I’m not an athletic sort of person. But I am married to one. And in an attempt to bond with my husband, I agreed to do a charity bike ride. I grew up in Texas, where the roads are smooth and the ground is flat. I’m still adjusting to the idea that this is not the case in other places, such as the one where we live. This ride had several distances to choose from, and Mark picked the longest—one hundred miles. This felt to me like a form of cruel and unusual punishment for one’s behind. So I chose the shortest distance—twenty miles—which still felt monumental to me.

I arrived at the starting line just as the sun

What Success Actually Looks Like

by Holley Gerth | | 13 comments

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Despite my best intentions, I still eat vanilla ice cream right out of the carton. I sometimes wrestle anxiety like a wild alligator. I feel confused by social media and stressed out by the news. Curled up in bed, I told all this to Jesus one day. And I asked, “What do You want me to picture as success?” It seems the answer that came quietly into the dark was this: faithfulness.

This is not the answer our world would give. We’d be told fame or material possessions, staying young forever or getting to sit at the cool table are markers of success. But in the Gospels, the master doesn’t say, “Well done, my good and famous servant.” He

Keep Your Pace (It’s Okay to Go Slow)

by Holley Gerth | | 5 comments

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My feet hit the pavement in a slow, steady rhythm. I am not fast. I am not graceful. But I like how stress rolls off me along with the sweat from my forehead, the way my favorite songs match the beat of my heart, and the satisfaction of discovering I’m capable of more than I first thought.

The sky spreads blue above me, and I’m content. Then I see another runner with a smooth, speedy stride I can hardly fathom, and suddenly I feel like I’m not doing anything right. My peace and contentment vanish. Have you ever felt the same?

You love the home you have until you see someone else’s fancy renovation.

You’re happy with your marriage until you

Are You in a Valley Today? These Words Are for You

by Holley Gerth | | 4 comments

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I stand in front of the mirror and ask my reflection, “How could you have done that?” I think back to an incident yesterday where I was not at my best. As much as I want to, I can’t take back the words I said. Why did I let my emotions get the best of me again?

I’ve done hard work in the area where I messed up. I’ve read books. Talked to my counselor and good friends. Prayed about it and written reminders of truth in my journal. At this moment it feels as if it’s all been for nothing. Have you ever been there too?

Then I recall a moment from graduate school. My professor stands at the

You’re Never Alone in Your Fears

by Holley Gerth | | 5 comments

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I hold a list in my hand. The words are written in black Sharpie on cream paper in a square, unlined journal. The page looks so small, but the sentences scrawled on it feel big—more than I could ever handle.

I’m going through a process of healing, and my assignment for this week is to write down my fears. The wise, strong, encouraging friend to my right says, “Okay, read your fears out loud.” I panic for a moment. Read them out loud? Where people can hear? For a second, I consider running out the door. But then I think, No, I want to be free. Whatever it takes.

I clear my throat and begin.

I’m afraid of not being good

God Is Not Afraid of the Dark

by Holley Gerth | | 3 comments

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The rough wooden boardwalk is cool beneath my feet as I make my way to the sand. The sky is still the thick, deep blue of night, and gray shadows sway in the salty wind. I sleepily take my husband’s hand. I’m not a morning person, but we’re on vacation and I’m determined to see the sun climb like a rising warrior above the waves at least once.

As we get closer to the shore, we can see more people who have decided to forsake pillows for flip-flops along with us. They sit on huge pieces of stranded driftwood, stroll along the edge of the water with cameras in hand, or sip from coffee cups with dazed looks on

What Our Hearts Need When We Mess Up

by Holley Gerth | | 9 comments

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I sit across from a friend who knows me well. We’ve walked together for more than a decade. My eyes are tear-filled as I look at her and say, “I messed up.” I tell her of how I have failed in an area that has been an off-and-on battle in my life for years.

We all have one, don’t we? I call it our “Signature Struggle.” It’s the choice or habit or escape we go back to even though we know better. We swear we’ll never do that again—eat the whole pan of brownies or snap at the kids or drain the drink. But then we’re tired or stressed or overwhelmed and, suddenly, we do. No, sister, it isn’t