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Today’s Truth

“I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first”

Revelation 2:4-5

Friend to Friend

What do you do when you’ve lost that lovin’ feelin’? Maybe you truly adored your husband in the beginning, but now you can’t remember why. Maybe you honestly admired his finer qualities, but now you can’t remember what they were. Maybe you appreciated his wonderful attributes, but now you take them for granted. What do you do now?

Here’s a statistic you might find interesting. According to an analysis of the National Survey of Families and Households, 86 percent of unhappily married people who stick it out find that, five years later, their marriages are happier. In fact, nearly 60 percent of those who rated their marriage as unhappy and who stayed married rated their same marriage “very happy” or “quite happy” when re-interviewed five years later. In comparison, those who divorced and remarried divorced again at a rate of 60 percent.

Starting over may very well be the answer to your marriage problems—as long as it’s with the same man!

In the book of Revelation, God had this to say to the church at Ephesus: “I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first” (Revelation 2:4). Ephesus was one of the most loving churches in the New Testament, and yet somewhere along the way they lost that initial thrill of knowing Christ. Their love for each other and for God had grown cold.

Perhaps you are a woman who has forgotten the thrill you felt when you first met your husband—the spine-tingling chills when he walked into a room, the heart-skipping flutter when he called on the phone, the tender wooing when you saw his name in your email in-box, the electricity of sexual desire stirred with a kiss. Between taking out the garbage, paying the bills, running the carpool, mowing the lawn, disciplining the kids, and folding the laundry, something got lost. We can get so busy taking care of life that we forget to take care of love.

How do you get that lovin’ feelin’ back? God gave the church two simple steps, and I believe we can apply them to marriage as well. “Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first” (Revelation 2:5 NIV)

Remember how it was in the beginning.

Return and do the things you did at first.

Remember what drew you to your husband in the first place? Remember the things you did at first? How you tried to please him, capture his heart, and win his affection? That may have been 50 pounds less and a full head of hair ago, but that young man who longed to be adored, admired, and appreciated still lives within his heart. Let him know he does.

Let’s Pray

Heavenly Father, I’ll admit that sometimes I get so busy taking care of life, that I neglect to take care of love. Help me to keep my marriage a priority above all other earthy relationships. Help me to remember all that I loved about my husband in the early years and take steps to keep my marriage strong.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.

Now It’s Your Turn

Make a list of firsts in your relationship: first date, first kiss, first dance, and first time you met each other’s parents.

Ask your husband what he remembers most about your wedding day and your honeymoon.

Look at your wedding photo album together and talk about what first attracted you to each other.

These might not seem like very “spiritual” devotional applications, but when you consider that your marriage is meant to glorify God, then I think God would heartily say…it is.

More from the Girlfriends

Today’s devotion was adapted from my book, A 14-Day Romance Challenge: Reigniting Passion in Your Marriage. Click here for a fun video sure to make you smile! I’m offering a special Valentine’s Marriage Bundle with discounts on four of my favorite marriage resources from February 1-16, so click on over! Let’s make 2018 a year to strengthen our marriages and pray for our men.

10 Responses to “What To Do When You’ve Lost that Lovin’ Feelin’?”

  1. Leigh says:

    My husband of 13 years and I leave on our first adult vacation in many years next week, and I have been a ball of anxiety worrying over our two little boys. They are 8 and 3, and our parents wonderfully will step in to watch them. Our last two weeks have been plagued with family medical problems, and I seem to do nothing but worry about leaving my two little angels, particularly my youngest who is an absolute mama’s boy! Today’s devotion was exactly what I needed to help me understand that my husband is important too and deserves to have a few days of being my top priority. I will continue to pray for the health and safety of my boys while I am gone, but my heart is a bit calmer after this! Thank you!

  2. Deb says:

    This is exactly what I needed to hear. We have been married 25 years this August. But it has been a difficult last 2 years. This hit home what you said. I thank God for using you to say these things. Amazing!!!

  3. SherriLynn says:

    Thank you for this devotion! It was meant for me. My husband mentioned to me the other day that he felt that I had been short-tempered, distant and irritated by any- and everything he does. He asked me was I frustrated with him. I was. When he actually called attention to my actions, I realized that I was frustrated with him. My frustration was the result of not communicating my feelings to him. After hearing him express his concern to me, I took the time to tell him what I was feeling, but also shared how much I appreciated and loved him. While he was out of the house, I sat quietly looking at the coffee table book that contained all of the memories of our special day; including the vows that we had written/spoke to each other. I remembered what it was that attracted me to him in the first place. I remembered the commitment we both made to love God FIRST and each other apologetically. I remembered…. Today’s Devotion was confirmation from God. Be Blessed!

  4. C.Orris says:

    Thank You for this devotional.
    My husband are getting ready for retiring from our family business this yr. Even though we’ve worked together for 30+ years, we had events and other personalities to play off of; I’m scared of being together all the time? That seems crazy to me, but after reading your devotional I realize, we will have to do “customer service” for ourselves.
    We will be fine.

  5. Barb says:

    It is so easy to say but to put into action is another. I will not go into all the details cause it’s not necessary. After being married for 36 years I have come to the conclusion that we should not have gotten married. We never consulted God and if we had maybe we would be in different places now. My Mom says God will reward me for sticking it out. She does not know all the details but knows it has been rough. Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it all. But I love Jesus will all my heart and I cannot imagine my life without his strength.

  6. S Unk says:

    We must remember that it takes two. When one wants to try to revive what we had when we started but the other isn’t interested, it’s not going to happen. No matter how much counseling, pillow talk and prayer takes place, sometimes dead is dead. My divorce shattered my heart into so many pieces it was nearly impossible to put it back together again. I didn’t want it, and absolutely hate that I am divorced today. But after trying for so long, I was dying inside and could not survive under the circumstances. Please don’t make it sound like with enough effort, all marriages can be saved. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors and no one should be made to feel like a failure because she (or he) couldn’t save a marriage.

  7. Rebecca Jones says:

    We sure need posts for Valentine’s, many people are wrapped up in work and children, they forget that they need God in their marriage.

  8. Abby says:

    Thank you for this. My husband and I have been in counseling. We got so busy with life that we had neglected each other.

  9. Sarah says:

    Understand exactly what you’re saying but I just don’t know how to get there. I have tried everything ithat was mentioned here. But he hurt me tremendously with infidelity and porn. We have had counseling and he has tried greatly to change in so many different ways but I can’t seem to get past it. I feel like I have nothing left when it comes to love. I am still here because I made a commitment to my Lord. We don’t fight but I just don’t wanna be around him or for him to touch me. I am committed to staying but I don’t know how to do it without being in love and warning and desiring him. I believe that he loves me very much and he tries in so many ways. but I can’t find it in me to show him the same affection . So what do I do when I have lost all the loving feeling . If I didn’t have to be intimate with him I could stay but we are in our 50s I don’t think that is something He could accept. 😭

  10. Betty says:

    Very well said! I am reaching out to those of you in a different situation. I was married for 25 years and understand. If you are faced with an agonizing decision, pray for guidance and have faith. God will see you through. Please know, if your spouse is suffering from addiction, it is not your fault. God loves you and your family.

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