Today’s Truth

“My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you” (Job 42:5 NIV).

Friend to Friend

My son, Steven, and I sat on the floor in his room playing a card game. This summer was proving to be the best ever. Our golden retriever, Ginger, had just delivered seven adorable puppies, Steven was enjoying his sixth summer of life, and after four years of negative pregnancy tests, God had surprised us with a new life growing inside my womb.

But as Steven and I sat cross-legged on the carpet, I felt a warm, sticky sensation run down my leg. A trip to the bathroom confirmed my greatest fears—I was bleeding. Later that afternoon, the doctor voiced the weighty words, “There is no heartbeat.”

What do you do when heartbreak slams into joy? When your soul cracks open and there just aren’t enough tears? When hurt steals your hope and you want to give up on life? When deep soul lesions make a mockery of your faith?

I wish I could tell you I left the doctor’s office quoting Romans 8:28 about how “all things work together for good” (ESV). I wish I could tell you that I calmly accepted the loss of my baby with faith, trusting that even this was somehow part of God’s plan. I wish I could tell you I spent the rest of the day singing “It Is Well with My Soul.” But I didn’t do any of those things.

I went home, crawled in bed, and pulled the covers up over my empty womb and broken heart. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, especially God. And what I did say to him wasn’t very nice.

How could you do this to me? If this is how you treat those you love, then just forget it! You answered my prayer only to take it back! Why me? Why this? Why now?

Job was a man in the Bible who also had a lot of questions for God. In one day, his enemies killed all but a handful of his servants and stole all eleven thousand heads of livestock. Then a strong wind collapsed his son’s house and killed all ten of Job’s children. We read the story of Job already knowing how it is going to end—the Lord not only restored what Job had lost, but “gave him twice as much as he had before” (Job 42:10).

But can you imagine what it was like to live through it in real time? Job was stuck in a bad story and he saw no end in sight. He had no idea why it was happening. He didn’t know God would give him twice as much as he had before. All he knew was loss, disappointment, and pain. That might be where you are right now, stuck in a story you don’t like. But hang on, God’s pen has not slipped. He’s still in control. There’s more to come.

My favorite line in Job’s story comes at the very end. Job says to God, “My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you” (Job 42:5). That is my prayer in every difficult circumstance of life. I don’t want to simply hear about God; I want to see God and have communion with him in the midst of it.

A houseful of children was not how my chapter of infertility and the loss of a child ended, but I can still say it had a good ending. One day, I was reading Song of Songs in the Bible. I read it as if I were the bride and Jesus were my bridegroom. At one point, the bride says to her beloved, “I am a rose of Sharon” (Song of Songs 2:1).

When I looked up Sharon in my Bible dictionary, I found it meant “a fertile valley near Mt. Carmel.” I then realized that even though my medical chart read “infertile,” God had made me fertile in so many other ways.

And I know He can do that for you. Sometimes we have to let go of our plans to take hold of God’s purpose…and it’s always good.

Let’s Pray

Lord, there are some parts of my story that still ache, and perhaps that ache will never go away completely. However, I know that you can use every tear to water the seeds of hope in someone else’s life. I release my pain to You and wait openhanded for Your purpose on how to use my story to help someone else.
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Now It’s Your Turn

What is one difficult chapter in your life that you feel God is calling you to share with others?

More from the Girlfriends

Many times the painful pages of our lives, the ones we’d like to tear out of the narrative, are the very ones that God uses the most. Our pain can become a portal of God’s grace. Our ravaged pages can become God’s redemptive masterpiece. Join Sharon in When You Don’t Like Your Story and learn how your worst chapters can become your greatest victories.

© 2021 by Insert Sharon Jaynes. All rights reserved.


5 Responses to “Why This? Why Me? Why Now?”

  1. Terra says:

    This is so good. It resonates deep in my soul. I have experienced much loss in life. At a young age I lost my mom, at age 29 I experienced a loss of a child and even now I am struggling with an estranged child whom is a difficult situation that is distant from me. Another child who struggles being close to me as well. I know the Lord works all things out for those who trust and believe in Him so I am not giving up hope for full restoration and that He will do a mighty work in the name of Jesus! Praise you Lord for your promises and words are true!

  2. Sherri says:

    Thank you Sharon… so powerful and such a blessing!! I recently began to question God as to why I was divorced at such a young age over 30 years ago and raise two beautiful daughters on my own…why I am always the person family comes to for guidance both mentally and emotionally…why the adult ladies I mentored years ago still call me for guidance…why me, why couldn’t I have a shoulder to lean and cry on some time? BUT GOD!!! As I began to look back and remember each person, I smile and realized I wouldn’t have it any other way. It was God’s Plan and I love him sooo. He was there with me EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.. Blessings to you!

  3. Pamela says:

    Everyone goes through loss and I’m sorry for your heartbreak. Sometimes being a saved Christian is not easy. I’ve gone through a ton of heartbreak and will possibly go through a ton more before my life on earth is over. I don’t want to know the future.
    You mentioned Job. Coincidentally, I just finished that story recently. I don’t feel good about the book of Job, you could say “I have a problem with it.” I know WHY God did it, but I don’t understand HOW he could do it. I know it was a test brought on by Satan.
    Yes, I know God restored twice what Job had lost, but what about his children that died? Yes, I know Job went on to have other children, but the first 10 children that died stayed dead. So they can’t be restored.
    These are questions no one can help me with, but that’s alright. Maybe we’re not supposed to understand everything.
    Bless you all.

  4. Nancy says:

    I too have suffered much full term child,my husband passed away suddenly after the 2 of us had spent years caring for elderly parents who passed in our home. The time between these deaths was only months. Currently in a living situation that is undesirable and causing tremendous stress. I’m asking for prayer as I am struggling even though I know Gods promises are true and that he will never leave not forsake me. God bless you.

  5. Lorri says:

    I have always had trouble with Job. Everyone says how wonderful that he got back double. My feeling is that even if you gave me ten new children, it would never make up for the one I lost.

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"We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well…" 1 Thessalonians 2:8