Today’s Truth

Be gentle and ready to forgive; never hold grudges. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others (Colossians 3:13 TLB).

Friend to Friend

I promised myself that I would never buy a house that could be described as a “fixer-upper.” I don’t like fixing things. I want everything to be fixed before I move in. But there I was — buying a townhouse that needed so much work even the realtor couldn’t believe my husband and I wanted to buy it.

Why didn’t someone stop me? No one did, so the sale was made, and we went to work. Actually, my son and husband went to work while I went crazy.

I had no idea how horrible the process of remodeling could be. We gutted the whole place and rebuilt it – while living in it. I was not happy!

Honestly, I often wondered why God didn’t just demolish the old me and build a new one. Then He did just that – through a two-year battle with clinical depression.

The Father lovingly stripped away old fears and insecurities while sitting at the bottom of that deep, dark, and slimy pit.

From the walls of my heart, He tore the rotten attitudes, undisciplined thoughts, and unholy desires that had walked me to the edge of my pit; then pushed me in.

He replaced rusty old dreams with new ones and gutted my life to build a better one, and a stronger one.

The biggest lesson God taught me was how to forgive myself, so I could then forgive others. Because forgiveness is so important, it only stands to reason that roadblocks can hinder our willingness to forgive. We must commit to identify and remove each roadblock.


Selfishness shouts, “I have been hurt! It is so unfair. I have rights!” What I am really saying is that how I feel about the hurt is more important than forgiving the hurt.


Pride cries, “Look at what they have done to me. Don’t they realize who I am?” To receive or give forgiveness requires humility. God wants us to forgive others the same way He has forgiven us.

“Be gentle and ready to forgive; never hold grudges. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others” (Colossians 3:13 TLB).

Low self-esteem

Some of us have built an entire identity around a hurt. The attention we gain from the wrong we have suffered defines who we are. It is something we cherish and refuse to relinquish for the sake of forgiveness.


We may be blind to the fact that we have not forgiven a hurt. We have convinced ourselves that we have forgiven the one who hurt us by going through the motions and saying the right words without really dealing with the pain. In reality, all we have done is dig a hole and bury the pain. As long as hurt is buried alive, it will keep resurrecting itself in our life, but when the hurt is dealt with, and forgiveness is given, the pain is buried dead – and it stays dead.


Forgiveness is spiritual surgery. It exposes old hurts that have never completely healed. We can move, change jobs, change churches, change friends, or even change families, but we will live with unresolved pain until we yank up the root of bitterness and cover it with forgiveness.


Maybe we don’t know how to forgive someone because we are under the impression that forgiveness is an emotion or feeling. It’s not. It is a covenant between God and us.

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9 NIV).

True forgiveness is a choice – a deliberate choice to release the person who has hurt us from the pain they have caused. We can stop forgiving others when God stops forgiving us.

We need to identify and eliminate the roadblocks to forgiveness so God can set us free, heal our pain, and make us more like Him. Now that is a remodeling job I would welcome.

Let’s Pray

Father, I praise You for the changes You have made in my life through the power of Your forgiveness. Would you please help me forgive the people who have hurt me just as You have forgiven me?
In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Now it’s Your Turn

What roadblock to forgiveness is present in your life?
How can you eliminate that roadblock?

More from the Girlfriends

Life is so daily. It is sometimes easy to lose hope. Need help? Check out Mary’s new devotion books, Life is So Daily (Volumes 1 and 2). Our prayer is that they will encourage and equip you to face each day with God’s power.

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© 2021 by Mary Southerland. All rights reserved.

9 Responses to “Why Didn’t Someone Stop Me?”

  1. Pauline says:

    This devotional spoke deeply to me and was truly an answer to prayer as I cried out to God last night. I had just returned from visiting my dad. I think I have forgiven my dad for so many childhood “hurts” and then as soon as I step foot in my childhood home, feelings overtake me. My head swims with sadness, anger, confusion and I’m left feeling frustrated because I feel like I’m back at square one. I know it’s a choice and I try to choose to forgive him each time I visit but how do I deal with my emotions that keep resurfacing? I’m fine if I don’t go back to my childhood home. It’s like that house is a trigger for me and it feels unhealthy to return to it.
    I have found great comfort in knowing that God is and has always has been my Heavenly Father walking with me daily.

  2. Shelly says:

    Thank you for this message Mary. May you continue to avail yourself as God uses you to impact the lives of others.

  3. Monica says:

    Thank you Mary for the reminder of forgiveness, and the fact that I will always be a sinner and that I must continue to forgive others as long as God is forgiving me, which is daily. This is the crux of true healing. Lord, may all who read this devotion experience Your love and Your forgiveness so they can forgive themselves in order to forgive others. In Jesus’ name.

  4. Tiffany says:

    Monica, you mentioned that you’ll always be a sinner. If you’re in Christ (which it sounds like it!), you’re now called a saint! You were a sinner saved by grace, and now you’re a saint who’s been redeemed and being sanctified. 🙂

  5. Mari says:

    What a great devotion. I especially loved the statement, “In reality, all we have done is dig a hole and bury the pain. As long as hurt is buried alive, it will keep resurrecting itself in our life, but when the hurt is dealt with, and forgiveness is given, the pain is buried dead – and it stays dead.” So many times, I have dug holes and buried pain. I think it helps me to remember that sometimes it is not a “one and done” statement to forgive. Sometimes I have to forgive that same hurt many times before forgiveness becomes a reality.

  6. Pauline, I know what you mean about triggers. Drag those emotions into the light of God’s Word. Pray Scripture over them and bury them … dead. Every time the enemy brings one to your heart and mind, reject it and replace it with Scripture. And you do not have to put yourself in a situation where you have to deal with those triggers. Blessings, friend!

  7. Shelly, thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words. Blessings!

  8. Monica, that is what I remind myself of every day. Like Paul, I am chief of sinners and am desperate for the Father’s forgiveness every minute of every day. God is good!

  9. Tiffany, I praise God for His mercy … forgiveness … and grace and the fact that He sees me through the eyes of the cross.

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