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Today’s Truth

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.

Psalm 143:8

Friend to Friend

Three and a half years ago I had basically no eyesight. I’d been to three doctors in one day. I sat nervously in a dark room, with nothing more than a hospital gown and my quickly diminishing faith. Three and a half years ago I was in the ER about to find out I needed brain surgery to remove a large tumor growing off my pituitary gland.

I prayed and prayed. “God, if you could just bring me through this I promise I’ll never doubt you again.” Because surely, if I got through that, everything else would seem like nothing. I wouldn’t need to worry about the smaller things because heck, I’D BE ALIVE. What more could I ask for?

Well, I got through surgery. In fact, it went so well that they didn’t even have to put me in ICU afterwards like they thought they would. But I was terrified I’d get a brain bleed, a spinal fluid leak, or one of the other million things they said could happen. They sent me home within three days. I ended up in the ER twice after they sent me home, once by ambulance. It was a rough couple of weeks.

I just kept thinking OK, God, get me through this one more thing . . . one more thing . . . one more thing.

But it never really ended. Once surgery was over it was recovery. And after that it was waiting until my next brain scan. And after that, well, going back to real life – work and a household on top of exhaustion and headaches. Oh yeah, and a year – long wait until my next scan.

When does it ever end?

My last scan was clear, and I don’t go back for a couple years now. But I still worry. I worry my tumor will grow back. I worry my pituitary gland will stop working. I worry it will cause more miscarriages. I worry I won’t be able to breastfeed my son as long as I’d like—or that maybe I won’t be able to breastfeed my next child. These thoughts go through my head every day – because the trusting never ends.

Three and a half years ago it was “God, please keep me alive.” Then it was “I beg you to let me have kids someday” and now that I have my sweet son, after two miscarriages, it’s “Please, please, please keep him safe. Please don’t let me have anymore miscarriages. I want him to have siblings.”

Every day when my feet hit the ground I have to give that day—every hour, down to the second—to the Lord.

I try grasping at hope everywhere I see it, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to trust. Five days before my surgery I had no idea there was anything going on in my head. That’s a scary thought. But had I known the outcome, would it have been faith at all?

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1

Faith doesn’t tell us to take a leap in the dark. It tells us to trust our never failing God with a perfect track record. Faith proves the reality of things that cannot be seen by the bodily eye. It means we are in full approval of all God has revealed as holy, just, and good.

Faith, by nature, is trusting God with the unseen. And when you have a lot of unseens, you just have to keep-on-trusting.

I look back on that incredibly rough year—of surgery, and endless blood draws, and MRIs, and waiting, and hoping—and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I learned to persevere, trust, and hope like I never thought I could. I prayed more than I probably did in my first twenty years combined.

I got a small taste of what it’s really like to trust God when it isn’t easy – because life isn’t easy. But that’s why we have to place our ultimate hope in Him.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Take heart, my friends. Faith isn’t easy, but peace is so freeing. Just trust Him.

Let’s Pray

Dear Lord, this life can be so, so hard sometimes. And the scariest part is that we never know what the next day will bring. This can cause great anxiety, but it also draws us to place our trust in you. I know that you are working every little thing together for your purpose and plan. Let each and every day bring me word of your steadfast love, because I place my trust in you.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.

Now It’s Your Turn

Has God drawn you closer through the struggles you’ve faced? What has He taught you throughout the hard times in your life?

More from the Girlfriends

I got married in 2012, at the age of 19, and found that marriage didn’t come as easily as I thought it would! My mom had been married over 20 years and felt the same way. Out of this, our marriage ministry, Nitty Gritty Love, was born. We blog about the tough things we face as wives, and how the Gospel should shape our marriages. We’re currently working on our first devotional, which will be published sometime in 2017

8 Responses to “What My Brain Tumor Taught Me About Trusting God”

  1. Susie says:

    Thank you so much for this. I am struggle with this situation with 31 old year old son. And his son. Make things short he got custody of my grandson. Before that we had disagreement. Well now has put me middle with my grandson mom family’s side. Every week it is stressful. Whether my grandson goes with his mom or stay with his dad or me. It is so complicated. I am asking prayers that I and my husband find peace. Blessing in Christ susie p.s. my grandson is two

  2. Senny Smith says:

    Thank you, Tayler Beedee! Awesome word of God!! Yes, life can be hard but God is so good!!

  3. Laura says:

    I saw myself in your devotional. When God gets me through that one thing, it seems I barely have time to rejoice and thank Him before I start worrying about the next thing. I now realize I need to shift my focus from the uncertainties to all He has done for me. God has used your devotional to speak to my heart.

  4. Lonita says:

    Thank you so very much for sharing your testimony !!! May you be richly blessed for your obedience to God in sharing !

  5. Gloria says:

    Thank you , God used your words to cascade my heart and mind with His Love this a.m
    I am awaiting biopsy results, the C word, and will be doing a third major surgery within the last four months.
    My Lord, has been, is, and will be my oxygen through this all. BUT…I needed to read exactly what you wrote.
    He put your words in front of me this a.m.
    He has been teaching me the basic lesson, that is so extremely hard…live one day at a time..and trust HIM for tomorrow.
    I find if I stay parked in today, with my thoughts…life is so much easier.
    Life IS hard, BUT God is GOOD.
    Can’t thank you enough for this post.

  6. Amanda says:

    This message could not have been more timely. Thank you so much for sharing and giving me renewed hope!

  7. chiteo says:

    This has encourged me this morning and i thank God for this ministry as it has awaken me knowing that in every situation God is in control and we should always depend on him. May God show us favour as we endevour to have faith in him. Amen

  8. Christine says:

    Oh Tayler, thank you for sharing your journey. What an ordeal! I love hearing how God sustained you and taught you to trust – moment by moment – and that you wouldn’t trade your trials for an easier path. Keep sharing your story!
    Blessings to you,
    Christine

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"We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well…" 1 Thessalonians 2:8